For you,only.

Prolly this is gonna shock you, but am still posting this. How freaky,how weird/disgusting/cheesy/stupid it might seemed to be to you,but all these words am gonna tell you they are from the bottom of my heart.

We were never close,never close enough to be classified as ‘close’. We are just normal friends, I suppose. He is a guy that almost everyone around town knows. A guy that has lots of girls surrounding him, a guy who can pick any girl he wants and date her. But this particular guy, doesn’t get it that I only have him and no other guys (maybe just that a few). He too,never felt that I am the one who is loving him lately. I wished for a little more than what we are now. A little more will do. I don’t expect us to know each other inside out,after all we can use time to know each other, isn’t it better?

 We did smiled at each other the first time we met ( I don’t really wish to reveal where.) I found him pretty strange at first and didn’t really treated him like he existed. We did talked over the phone for a few times but it was just to kill my boredom. I guess I was after my own things to do back then and had no time for him. Now that I’ve finally realised it all, its’ a little too late I suppose.

He and I aren’t talking much but luckily I still do see him around and that is good enough for me for now. I am contented actually. I have got some feelings towards him but I am not sure if it’s infatuation or it’s love but  I know that I am willing to give up riches and fame because of him. He’s watch is spoiled and I am planning to get one for him at HongKong and surprise him with it. What is this?

 I have known him for almost  3 months now. It was only recently that I found myself falling for him. I don’t get it why either. How ironic can this be to think when I first saw him, I felt nothing at all. I guess it’s all time and its doings. I can’t help myself too.

 He once told me ‘ you look as if you seemed intrested in me’. I gave a straight reply saying ‘NOPE’. I really didnt felt anything towards him then. But I really do hope he’ll ask me once again, I’ll admit it this time. Yet, I felt like he has forgotten about me. But what can I actually do? He is popular among girls. I guess I am nothing in his eyes.

I was told he is a flirt and am scared to even go on with my feelings. I hate being wishy-washy. It’s so not me but I am afraid to fall and not get up. Deep down, I know my feelings are growing more each day. I am just telling my mind to control them. I am just trying to not follow my heart,which is highly impossible.

 I don’t know what should I actually say to him. I just want him to know that I want us to be more than friends.I want him to stay with me, so that my love can stay faithful to him forever.

I love french boys.

I met a fucking hot French dude today. Gonna see him on Wednesday. Life is like what? Fucking spiced up now. I feel so friggin excited for Wednesday,to the extend that I wanna do something to my hair before meeting him. Well,what can I say? He’s the hottest thing around town. So therefore…^.^

I am not the only one who is crazy over him. Raibbg and Janelle are too. He’s the main topic of our day. But I guess I am the craziest among all of them. Can’t stop smiling to myself,till now. Wtfuck I think I’ve semi-retarded.

Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.

You had a million reason to leave and only one to stay. Yet I failed to use that one reason to make you stay. I guess I have probably fucked up my whole life. ‘S okay, I’ll learn to accept it.  Afterall, life is all about doing what you like. No?  My days are filled with thoughts of you,my nights are filled with emptiness that you gave me when you left me. My sleeps are filled with dreams of you. Everything around me still remains the same,everything too,reminded me of you. If you were you tell me to be happy, I can say I am unable to be 100% happy. I haven’t felt that way for sometime. The best part is, I am getting used to this misery.

By the way, I bumped into a long-time-no-see-dear-friend of mine yesterday. It’s like it totally made my day. Ashley, I miss you. We gotta catch up soon babe. Love the shits out of you.

Happy birthday,to you my closest kin.

Met Jemi yesterday. Wow, seemed like I haven’t met her for million years and yesterday we finally met. It was an awesome session with her. Poured our heart out to each other and thank god for such a patient pair of listening ear. Oh how I miss those days with her and the rest. Poor baby just continue smiling. You have me,like before. Life will be back from what it was when we guys started out together soon. 2009 is leaving,for good. May 2010 be a better year,for you and for me.

Rairai bbg just texted me just now saying ‘ hi what do you want for Christmas?’ Hahahah it made me smile. Obviously I felt she still remembers me, no I mean us-What we went through together. Sorry for being so far away for such a long time. I had my reasons and you know it. But we are back together again, and am so glad about it. Don’t forget about next week. Gonna be such fun  with you over again. If I had our photos in this laptop, it’ll be all over this space. Fret not, it’s not stored in my laptop but rather etched in my heart. Which means it follows me wherever I may go. Y’know 2010′s gonna be our year,right?^^

Thank you for being the best of the best,slogging your life and giving up your rest.  Picking me up when I fall,holding me through it all. Whenever there was something I need,you’ll be there getting it for me. You loved me from the start, and am always in your heart.The bond that grows will never falter,your love is so strong it will never alter. You are always  there when things go wrong,adding a hug and a kiss to help me along. When I cried,you would gently wiped my tears. When I felt scared,you would be like an angel taking my fear. In this life,followed by next I want to be walking with you and like we always do.

 

Luckless.

Life’s pretty …. weird I guess? Finally it’s the last month of 2009. Excatly 30 days from today,2010 starts. Kind of anticipating for next year and school. Can’t wait for school to start,frankly speaking. I’ll study hard and tone down by then. Mark my words okay. 2009 really sucked. Oh well……

On a happier note,mummy bought me a dress from Zara and a bag from Coach. Daddy bought me a Vaio Laptop and a Dslr. ^^ I am really fortunate I guess. Not boasting though. Feeling so grateful for them as they really raise me up well. 20 more days to my Hongkong trip. I am looking forward to it.

 

Over my head.

Daughter: Daddy, I wanna be a teenager.
Father: You will soon be one.
Daughter: No,it seems so long. 10 years seems so long! I wanna be a teenager now.

Yes,the daughter is me. I said this 10 years ago when my life was all about playgrounds,Hi-5,Ballet,Piano and cycling. I used to think I was quick but I guess it had passed me so quickly that it scares me at times. Another 10 years would be quick and before I know I will be out at the society,working as an adult. I wonder what life would be like at that point. Will I lie in a bed of regrets of will I experience the sweet aftermath of me killing my brain cells  in the past. I wished we all had a crystal ball that allows us to foresee the future. In the last 10 years of my life,it changed drastically. Not only my lifestyle changed but almost everything around me changed.  If only I could take a look at my future 10 years back,maybe my life wouldn’t left to me so disarray.

I am the only hope of my parents. I can tell how much hopes they pinned on me. Instead of using what I’ve got for good,but brought more harm to it. I guess they spent millions on me. Be it daily necessities or materialistic goods. How much they got hurt by almost every acts of mine these days yet they still continue to support me and not giving me up. I promise I will do well in private school and not let your efforts go down the drain.

Somehow, I an anticipating for 2010. Feels like a great year to me. Hopefully it doesn’t dissapoints me.

Belated 13th.

 

As much as I am thinking of my bed, I am thinking of you too. It’s currently 2 minutes to 9 in the morning. But no matter what, I told myself I am gonna stay up and post this before I head to bed. No matter what,okay!

AshleyKho. Although we ae leading different lives right now but  you have to know that you are still always in my heart. Unchanged,untouched. As usual. No one ever took your place and I never behaved so crazily infornt of anyone. Like really,anyone. Only you saw my unglams,the ultimate ones. I hate to admit such embarrassing stuffs,but I have to cause you know it. I never once vomitted on anyone else,except the guys the other time. And you saw it. I often stand so still on heels,but you saw how I fell once. I never ran in the rain on heels but we were so desperate to shop and eat that you saw me running in it and it wasn’t a short distance. You saw how I ate with food almost flying up to the ceiling and how I shouted so loudly in that movie. There are still lots of lunatic stuffs we did together,which I doubt I will ever do it with anyone else.

I never french a girl before,not even my mum. But I did it with you! Never received a bra as a present but you gave _’s to me. We had shisha on Valentines and we puked at the same time the moment we got home. This is cool, I think? I saw you getting your tattoo lasered off and how we both screamed together. And what’s best,we once wore matching clothes too.

You,the fuckin’ crazy one who gets the key to all my secrets. You know excatly how I look at guys,talk about them and even laugh about them. You know my evey crush,every hurt. You’ve seen me cry probably almost a zazilion times. I’ve seen you cried too. We will gossip all about the others and fuck the entire world aside. Do you miss those times? I miss them,y’know! Being sick,talking sick,juicy gossips,clubbing times,picnics and all the stupid things we did together.

Oh,do you still keep that book I gave to you on Valentines? Consist of all our photos back then and I wrote you a 21 pages long message. Hello,I know you are laughing inside now. Hahahah. Our starbucks sessions and past mid-night talks. I still remember them,mainly all of them. I guess I have a great memory,unlike yours!

With you, I can talk my heart out and laugh real hard. I’ve also came to a realisation,that I can’t talk much to any others but you. Even if we talked,our conversations never lasted for more than 15 minutes. Unlike ours. We can talk from day to night and night to day.

I was really touched that you remembered my birthday. I’ll see you soon. Probably on your birthday? Don’t spent it with Bruce! Spent it with me. (L) It’ll be a millon times better. ( I know he’s sweeter than me but……^^)

Okay I needa fuck you so badly. I mean scream at you. Nopenope, scream all the anger out of my lungs to you. You’ve seen me done it till I’m left with tears. I always end up in tears,true? And I know your heart aches,right babygirl. Yes,and I love it how you combined the words ‘Darl’ and ‘Babygirl’ together. It sounds really sweet,no?

Whatever it is,I need to sleep now. I am having some shitty,time consuming tuition lesson later. All I want to tell you in this post is……….

Happy Belated 13th! I know I am late,but don’t worry. I am never too late for you.

I love you with all I am,

Your darling, always.

Pretty are you.

 The list of things I’ve listed out reminded me that Christmas is nearing. It is roughly a month away. It is really shocking how 2009 is coming to an end. Oh well,2009 had been harsh on me. Actually for most of us. But this year I must say really put me through many obstacles and I conquered them. Makes me a strong woman huh? I was just kidding. Those are phrases in life. I guess all our lives will have different phrases. Ups and downs. Life is a never-ending war. We have to surrender at times but we can never back out from it. I guess we will all grow stronger in time to come.

So you guys might be wondering what’s keeping me awake? Actually what kept me away is that particular list. The list of things I am aiming for this Christmas. Hopefully I get some gifts from the list huh. That’ll be great. Okay I am starting on my wishful thinking over again. I won’t be in Singapore for Christmas. White Christmas? Probably. That reminded me of my days in The States,Paris and London. This also made me realised I haven’t been celebrating Christmas in this tiny little red dot for about….4 years?

Oh yea,do you guys know where to get that Union design Chanel bag? Does the Chanel boutique sells it? It caught my attention the moment I saw it across the web. Such a beautiful designer’s piece.

I received CHEC’s letter yesterday. Gonna start school on the 18 of January 2010. Pretty excited about it. Is anyone in there with me?

Incase you all might be thinking why am I blogging so little. I have to say….. I got a private space on my own. Not really on my own. But the amount of people who know about it is lesser than five. Nope,not gonna reveal my url yet but soon. So follow my blog closely if you want to know the new url.

 

You are making something out of nothing.

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